May 18th… the day my spirit ached

Hi all! I’m sitting here in a hospital room with my 4 year old. About 3 weeks ago I had an enlarged lymph node in my neck. I had a fever for 1 day and the swelling went down. Turns out it was just a viral infection. The next week both my daughters had it. My older daughters healed itself but my youngest, Aria’s started looking worse on Sunday. So, on Monday before I went to work I gave her some Tylenol and when I got home from work took her straight to urgent care. They said that the recommended I go to emergency. And she got admitted because it looked like the swelling needed to be drained.

My sweet baby finally getting a nap.

While answering a million of the same questions by about 5 different doctors and nurses and feeling beyond drained my cousin texts me that my grandma passed away. Right then and there where I couldn’t be anywhere or focus on anything but my baby. It was so hard to sit there and be strong for my scared daughter when I was literally breaking inside.

My grandma in the top right and me the farthest right along with her grands on Mother’s Day 2015
The staff here have been amazing! They really make sure that their little patient’s have a little happiness during their time here

I’ve been dealing with this alone while trying to talk to doctors and having my daughter totally traumatized from all the poking and vitals being checked every hour and antibiotics going through her IV. I feel beat up emotionally. I feel guilty for not being able to mourn my grandmother in a healthy way. It’s building up and I just want to go home so that I can sit and feel whatever it is that I am holding in right now. I need to hug my kids.

She even got to make slime!

On a happier note… my family, co-workers, friends and the staff here have all been a huge reason why I haven’t completely lost my mind. The support has been overflowing! Thanks to FaceTime I’ve been able to see and talk to everyone and keep them updated live with Arias progress. Her neck is looking a lot better now and we’re hoping to be released tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

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